I grew up in a loving home.  As far as I knew, we were Christians–mainly because we were generally good people, we occasionally went to church, we celebrated Christmas, and I knew we weren’t Jewish. I heard the gospel clearly for the first time at camp the summer before fifth grade. I learned about how God’s love for me is intensely personal. I learned that Jesus is the Creator of the universe, 100% God and 100% man, and that He made me and He loves me. I learned that He is in control of the stars in the sky, and at the same time, He also knows every single cell in my body. I heard for the first time that, in His goodness, He doesn’t force anyone to follow Him, but He invites everyone. I learned that He wanted me to personally accept His gift of grace, to choose to follow Him. I wanted this. I wanted to follow Him! I eagerly accepted that gift of grace and knew I was His. And knowing I was His, I wanted to do it right. I wanted to do the good things and stay away from the bad things. But I was living a shallow gospel. I was saved–I had accepted God’s free gift of salvation–but I felt like I needed to be good enough. I worked hard to be the good girl–get the grades and stay out of trouble. But in this, I didn’t know how to love other people well. I pushed people away if they were unwholesome. I was self-righteous.

In college, I was very quickly humbled by how “being a good girl” wasn’t the same as being a Christ-follower. Self-righteous pride popped like a bubble as I figured out how desperately little I actually knew about God’s Word. At church and big Christian gatherings they alluded to basic Bible stories like Jonah, and I realized I had never actually heard–much less read–most of my Bible. I bought a used children’s story Bible and got to reading. My view of the gospel exploded! I was actually getting to know this God that had saved me years ago. During this time, I had a discipler who helped me as I started forming my own ideas about theology, and she challenged me to know my Bible and to wrestle with what His words actually mean. I was also surrounded by believing friends who helped soften some of my pushy self-righteous habits.    

Then I went back to work at that same summer camp. I went so I could share the good news with little “Christian-because-I-go-to-church” girls like myself.  But the amazing part was that I was the one changed!  By serving at camp, I learned to communicate and live the gospel. I learned to study and love God’s Word because I needed it, not because it was “the right thing to do”. I learned how I can never be good enough or do enough good on my own. By leading campers to find joy in the Lord, I was finding joy in the Lord.  I was loving learning about Him because He is good and He loves us–not just because someone told me I should. 

Decades have now passed, and I still have that same privilege and joy in leading kids to Jesus. I have three kids of my own-they are the most delightful challenge of my life. Along with leading them, one of my greatest joys is leading Onward’s Elementary Kids to follow Jesus, too.  

Jesus is so kind and so patient.  He first drew me to Himself decades ago, and He patiently waited through years of my self-righteousness until I was ready to learn more.  He was so kind to put people in my life that helped me know what His Word says and what it looks like to live it out.  My joy is full circle when I get to pass all of this along to the next generation every day. 

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

1. Love for Jesus and gratitude for what He’s done for us compels us to live for Him. What is your motivation for doing good? Are you living from a place of  “performance-based acceptance” or “acceptance-based performance?”

2. Whose name comes to mind when you think back on someone who discipled you well? Whom are you actively discipling? Onward Kids and Onward Students would love to have you jump in if you’re looking for an opportunity!

3. Are there areas of your life where you find yourself being self-righteous? Bring those areas to community, and let your brothers and sisters lovingly pray for you and help you to surrender to the Holy Spirit’s transformation.